Sermon on April 11, 2010
Sermon for the Episcopal Church of St John the Baptist, Capitola,
given by Rev. Stuart Schlegel
The Episcopal Church of Saint John the Baptist welcomes all to worship God and to share Christ's love in the world. We are a parish family committed to provide liturgy, Bible study, music, counseling, and Christian education for children, youth, and adults, and to equip all our members for life and for service to others.
Sermon: Bright Sunday
Almost fifty years ago, when I was a missionary priest in the Philippines, I shared with most other clergy and lay people a common dread of the Bishop’s secretary. She was a deeply Christian woman, but she had a sharp tongue and always spoke her mind with cutting candor. When she retired, she moved to a retirement home in Pacific Grove. A number of years ago, I visited that place and saw her for the first time in over 20 years, When she saw me, she said, “My goodness how you have changed! Well, time is hard on all of us.”
Let’s pretend that it isn’t the Sunday after Easter, but rather the day after; that it is Easter Monday. In many Greek and Slavic countries, Easter Monday has for centuries been celebrated as a day of joy and laughter, a time of great fun and humor, in honor of the resurrection of Christ. It is said to be a celebration of the cosmic joke that God played on Satan, surprising him by raising Jesus from the dead. The day was called Bright Monday. This custom seems to date back to a sermon preached by the 4th century Eastern saint, John Chrysostom. Whatever its origin, it makes a lot of sense. At the Last Supper, Jesus told his disciples that his death and resurrection would be so that their joy may be full. And Martin Luther once said, “God is not a God of sadness, but the devil is. Christ is a God of joy.” Another of the great reformers, John Calvin, said, “Sour godliness is the devil’s religion.” So, in the spirit of Jesus, St. John Chrysostom, Luther, and Calvin, here are some Bright Sunday jokes that I have heard and that have delighted me.
**First, there is the story of a man who fell into a deep coma in 2010, and didn’t wake up until 2050. The first thing he did, when he came to, was call his stockbroker. “How are my investments doing?” he asked. “Well, said his broker, “your IBM stock is worth five million dollars, and your AT&T stock is worth four million.” “I’m rich! I’m rich!” the man shouted out. But, just then, the telephone operator broke in and said, “Your three minutes are up. Please deposit one million dollars.”
** Two old ladies went to the horse races for the first time. They saw that people were making bets, and even though they had no idea how it worked, they picked a horse in one of the races and put a two-dollar bet on it. Their horse came in last. On the way home, one said to the other, “Rosie, it was a great day, but I am so sad that we didn’t win on our bet.” Rosie replied, “Never mind, Sadie, what would we have done with a horse anyway.”
**A provocatively dressed woman sidled up to a man in a dark bar, looked him in the eyes, and whispered, “I will do anything you want for a hundred dollars.” The man looked her over and said, “Anything?” “Anything,” she replied. So he took out his wallet, gave her a hundred dollars, and said, “Paint my house.”
**A young, newly ordained Roman Catholic priest was assigned to the foreign missions. On his way overseas, he stopped to visit his married sister and her husband, Herbie. The couple complained to the priest that they had been married for five years, but had no children. They had been to many doctors, but had been told that there was nothing that could be done to help them. The priest advised them to make a pilgrimage to Lourdes, to light a candle, and to say a prayer. He told them that many miracles have happened that way, and many wishes have been granted. Ten years later, the priest was returning on furlough, and visited his sister and her eight children. “Where is Herbie,” he asked. His sister replied, “He’s gone back to Lourdes to blow out that crummy candle.”
**Then, there is the one about a man who dressed as Napoleon. His wife, fed up after years of this, asked him to see a psychiatrist. The doctor said, “What is your problem?” The man said, “I have no problem. I am one of the most famous people in the world. I have a great army behind me. I have all the money I will ever need, and I live in great luxury.” “Then why are you here,” asked the doctor. “It’s because of my wife,” said the man. “She thinks she is Mrs. Levine.”
**Another man was admitted to a mental hospital and, on his first day, there was a group therapy session with some of his co-patients. The therapist asked the new man what his name was. He said, “My name is Napoleon.” The therapist said, “Who told you your name was Napoleon?” “God did,” said the man. One of the other patients immediately spoke up and said, “I did not!”
**There was a fellow who went to a Catholic priest and asked him a question that had been troubling him. “Father,” he said, “I need to know, is sex work or play?” The priest replied that he was celibate and didn’t know about such things, but that he would ask an opinion from Rome. The man said, “Thank you, but that would take much too long.” So, he went to see a Presbyterian minister, and asked him, “Is sex work or play?” The minister said that he really didn’t know, but that he would study scripture for a week or so, and try to let him know. “No,” said the man, “I need to know sooner than that.” Then he went and asked the local rabbi the same question. The rabbi answered straightaway, “Sex is definitely play.” Puzzled, the man asked him how he could answer so quickly. “Well,” said the rabbi, “if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”
**Finally, let me tell you a wonderful story about one of the medieval popes and a rabbi. The rabbi was the leader of a small Jewish community that had lived for many, many generations in a part of Vatican City. The pope one day ordered the Jewish group to go live somewhere else. The rabbi challenged the pope to debate the matter, and the pope agreed. But he said the debate would have to be in pantomime, a cultural form that was popular in that time and at which the pope was an expert. When the day for the debate came, the pope’s party and the rabbi’s party met at the appointed place. The pope opened the pantomime debate by throwing open his arms, to which the rabbi responded by boring his right index finger into the palm of his left hand. The pope then held out three fingers. The rabbi responded by holding out one finger. Then the pope took bread and wine and began silently to celebrate the Eucharist. The rabbi took out an apple and took a big bite. The pope said, sadly, “You have won; you may stay and live where you are.” On their way home, the pope’s followers said to him, “Holy Father, why did we lose?” He replied, “I was defeated by superior theology. I opened wide my arms, meaning ‘God is everywhere.’ The rabbi pushed his finger into his palm, saying, ‘Yes, but God is right here!’ I put out three fingers, meaning ‘God is three.’ But he put out one finger, replying ‘Yes, but God is one.’ I said the Eucharist, meaning ‘God is love.’ But he bit into an apple, saying, ‘Yes, but humans are sinful.’ What could I reply? He had won with superb theology.” Meanwhile, on their way home, the rabbi’s followers said to him, “Rabbi, why did we win?” He replied, “I really don’t know. The pope opened his arms, meaning ‘You must leave and go far away.’ I replied by boring my finger into the palm of my hand, meaning, ‘We are staying right here.’ He held out three fingers, meaning, ‘I’ll give you three days.’ I answered with one finger, to say ‘We’re not moving one inch.’ Then he took out his lunch, so I took out mine. I haven’t any idea why we won!”
Well, that’s enough jokes and stories for this Bright Sunday. You know a good love affair always has lots of humor as well as passion, and Christianity is, above all else, a love story. Alan Jones, who used to be Dean of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco once said that we Christians make a terrible mistake if we think of our faith as a cluttered inventory of beliefs. We can entirely lose God in such foolishness. Our God is love, not a theology book, and Christianity is and always must be a love story. Joyce Cary, the late English novelist wrote a delightful book about an artist, titled THE HORSE’S MOUTH. In it, the rakish and pixielike painter, Gully Jimpson, is dying and is being attended by a very sober nun. Gully says to her, “Why don’t you enjoy life, Mother? I would be laughing all around my neck at this minute, if my shirt weren’t a bit on the tight side.” The nun replies, “It would be better for you to pray.” And Gully says, “Ah, tis the same thing, Mother, tis the same thing.”
Christopher Fry once said, “Comedy is an escape not from truth, but from despair. A narrow escape into faith.” This attitude is found in the Western Church in the medieval concept of hilaritas, which did not mean mindless giggling, but that even at a moment of disaster one may wink or smile, because you know that God is going ultimately to triumph.
So, here is a post-Easter, post-resurrection, post-cosmic-joke-on-Satan wish for us all: May our faith leave the despair of human life well behind us. May it put all our troubles and all our vanities into proper perspective. And may it give us lives that are not only rich, full, and passionate, but also lots of fun.
Amen.